routine?

I just noticed something just now..

Somehow checking your blog and reading your posts and statuses has became my daily routine; unconsciously though. I feel like a stalker :| seriously, lol.

I just wanna know whats going on with you, what you're doing, what you're thinking, where you're going and whats bothering you. I just wanna know that you're safe and happy.

And apart from knowing all these things, it doesn't really help at all. Cause I know there's nothing I can do about it.

I even asked you if you're okay, even though I know your not just to fire up a conversation.

So right now, all i wanna wish for is for you to tell me what's bugging you. I know I'm not in the position to interfere with your problems and all but all I wanna do is help :(

I would just like to let you know that I would always be there for you. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or a person to talk too. I may not be the best one you could get out there but I'll assure you that I would always find time for you.

If you could only read all these shits that I'm writing, then this wouldn't be so hard.

UNCERTAIN

UNCERTAIN

one word to describe how I feel right now.
Im torn between two things. And I'm not even sure whether I should entertain this feeling. Is choosing between the two even an option?

So confused, so puzzled, life's in topsy-turvy. This uncertainty even makes me doubt myself.

Is it just me, or do you feel the same?

Maybe I'm just fascinated with all the attention I'm getting from you, but damn all this mixed signals you're sending! or was there even such things? or is it just me assuming that there's this possibility?

Am I in love? obsessed? or infatuated?

So many questions I need some answers. Hate that I'm not used to these things. Never did it occurred to my mind that I would be caught up in this situation.

Everything is so hazy. I don't even know what's right or wrong anymore.

All I know is that...

I love everything about you. Your flaws, your assets, everything. I love the way you scrunch your nose. The messy way you eat. Your corny jokes. Your laugh. Your voice. EVERYTHING! I wanna spend my every second with you. I wanna capture all these moments and see your every expression. I want to know everything about you and hope to remember every detail. All I wanna do is make you happy. Cause when you smile, I smile. As long as you're happy im fine, seeing you smile and being with you for some time is enough for me. I want to replace all those bad memories you had in the past with fun memories we would be making together. I don't want you to cry, cause your tears would bring tears to my eyes and seeing you sad would just kill me. I wanna feel every pain your having just to know how much it hurts and I'll be the one who would cure all those wounds and bring the sunshine back in your face. And the last thing I do before i slumber is to look at your angelic face hoping that when I woke up you're the first person I would see.

And now I wonder if I ever cross your mind cause for me it happens all the time. Ever since you cast your spell upon me, I can't take you out of my mind and heart.

Damn this feelings! I hate that I miss you, cause it only makes me realize how much I like you!

A New Year, A New Face

Im thinking of changing my current theme, but I just can't think of a new look.

What color is it gonna be? What kind of design? layout? Does it have to be connected to who am I right now? Are quotable themes suitable? Or just plain old boring colors would do the trick? Should I try working on a theme by myself? Or should I just choose from all those pre-designed themes over the net? Where the freaking hell would I be able to grab some awesome themes?!

I guess, I'll have until the New Year to scavenge for a new theme. I wonder where in the world could I get the perfect one. The right one.

bored and lazy :|

ok im suppose to post a blog last night about all the shit that happened last week, but in the end I end up procrastinating again.lol.

maybe, ill post it some other time when i suddenly feel the urge of doing so..hahaha ^_^

anyway, right now im quite addicted to my guitar. (though i really hate the fact that my fingers are screaming from the pain...gosh! i never imagined that playing guitar would be this hurtful) Im trying to learn this supah easy song, but still i can't seem to pick it up. im hopeless! hahaha XD Nah. Its not my fault, its the guitars fault. If only it would cooperate with me very nicely then I would have learned how to play the song properly. damn those stupid strings! lol. >:D i guess i should replace those steels with nylons..watcha think? :D

also, im in ♥ with Real Leaf Green Tea. It's so ADDICTIVE! I've been drinking it non-stop for the past week, I even substitute it for water even when im taking up my meds. ;P I know that its quite bad and all, but what the hell, Im loving it. Besides, I haven't tasted anything yet for almost 4 weeks and this is the only thing that somehow has a dash of something when I drink it. Well, I can't say that I can taste it and all cause I certainly can not but at least it feels different in my mouth. Ugh, its hard to explain. So thats that. Heh.

4 days to go and its Christmas time! I sure hope my oh so great skills in tasting return before then.

Oh God let me enjoy the beauty of great cuisine and I shall give justice to ones cooking! ^_^

Im dying... :| NOT!

Ugh! so much to do, so little time na talaga! grabe! super nagkapatong patong na lahat ng mga gawain and scheduled events! Para san pa ba at ginawa ng Diyos na merong 30 days in a month and 12 months in a year kung lahat dn nmn pla eh pagsasabay-sabayin ng isang bagsakan?!

Quizzes, homeworks, reports, theater productions, outings, and endless meetings.. GOSH! isa lang ang katawan at utak ko, ano gagawin ko? ano uunahin ko?!

1st of all Im really confused right now, di ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko at kung ano uunahin ko. Kung ano bang mas matimbang at mas importante sa buhay ko. Im torn between 2 most important things in my life, acads and (T). Im so freaking jaded!

Right now, katatapos ko lng gawin ung pagkahaba-haba naming hw which was due today, buti na lang talaga at naihabol ko pa siyang isubmit before midnight, or else im doomed! Then i just had a phone call, twice siyang tumawag pero di ko nasagot cause im so busy pero sinadya ko din talgang ind sagutin cause I had a feeling na bad news ang hatid nun. But then again di ako nakatiis cause im worried na din, after submitting my hw, tnext ko siya to ask kung bakit siya tumawag and my senses were right! Problema lng ang hatid nun, but I was glad na tumawag siya so that we could finally resolve and talk about what we are suppose to do. Pero sadyang malupit ang tadhana, sa kalagitnaan ng convo namin biglang naputol ung usapan so ako nmn ung tumawag uli pero landline ung gamit ko cause wala ako load...hahahha...so poor, i know. lol. anyway, ed un tinuloy nmn ung usapan and all then naputol uli and this time it was because of my mom! ang epal lng tlga! kaasar! so aun tnwagan ko n lng xa uli with my phone pero this time sandali lng ung usapan cause naka reg load lng ako and iniignore ako ng Globe so di ako makapag superunli or kahit combo man lng so that i can call back. Then I decided to just write this stupid blog cause im so frustrated right now!

Anyway, tomorrow i have 2 quizzes lined up for me and wala pa akong narereview maski isa dun! Good luck na lng tlga! Argh! carry lng ung quiz ko sa CISCO dali lng un pero pinoproblema ko is ung sa OR, problem solving un! MAHIRAP! I need to freaking study! pero pano ako magaaral kung ang daming nakikisabay na problema!?

Bukas, I'll be going to school early.. Cause I need to go to the OSA and to the Sec. Gen to settle things down. Then I need to call for a meeting early in the morning, klngan kong sabihan and idiscuss ang mga bagay-bagay sa mga tao ko before anything else, but right now I can't decide for myself with regards to that. I need to talk to my assistant and ask for some help. Gusto ko magpatawag ng meeting cause its for the best pero naiisip ko din ung consequences pag ginawa ko un.

Tomorrow, naka sched din dapat ang aming Showcase. Oo, bukas..Naka set na siya for tomorrow even though hindi pa approved ung script, even though were not 100% sure na makukuha na namin ang final decision ng OSA tom. Pero GOSH! naman kasi! medyo nakakaasar lng! almost 3 months na kaming nag-aantay, grabe lang! Aus lng nmn sakin na ma move, ok nga un eh more time to prepare pero sana naman ind ung ganito na palagi na lang binibitin, lagi na lng umaasa, araw-araw nangangamba na baka this is the day. ANG HIRAP! ANG HIRAP NG UMASA SA WALA! Sana naman may definite time man lng na binibigay. Hindi ung ganito na bawat araw na lumipas parang unti-unti din kaming tinotorture. leche!

Sa totoo lng, ang pinaka ayaw ko lng naman sa mga nangyayari ngaun is ung nakikita ko ung mga tao ko na masyado ng nahihirapan. Ok lng sana kung ako lng, I can manage. But seeing everyone, seeing their faces, just hurts me. Naaawa na ko sa kanilang lahat, sa lahat ng nagpapagod, nagpapakahirap at naguubos ng oras para dito. Ang hirap lng talaga kasi na maintain ang pagiging motivated kung di mo naman nakikita ang finish line.

Ngayon, ang alam nilang lahat tuloy na tuloy na ito bukas, at un ay dahil pinilit naming paniwalain sila sa ideyang iyon kahit na sa sarili namin alam namin na di lang sila ang linoloko namin kundi ang aming mga sarili. Pero un lng ang natatatnging paraan para hindi sila mawalan ng gana. Kahit na sa totoo lng naguguilty na ko sa mga kasinungalingang ito, wala na kong magagawa kung di panindigan ang aking mga nabitawang salita and just hope for the best.

Ayan, medyo gumaan-gaan na ang pakiramdam ko ngaun. I think makakabalik na ko sa mga dapat kong gawin. I guess writing this piece of crap really helped kahit na napaka walang sense nitong blog kong to at wala naman akong ibang pinagsasabi kung di mga reklamo ko sa buhay.

By the way, I just remembered. Isa pa palang concern ko kung bakit ako na tetense right now is because...Im bleeding..Yes, Im bleeding again. And Im scared. Nangyare na to before pero gumaling dn pero just this evening after ko mag sneeze blood came out of my nose again. Di naman siya madami onti lng as in, pero its a sign na natritrigger na naman ung something ko sa nasal chuchu ko. And im freaking scared! cause sabi before ng doctor ko pag lumala pa daw pde daw ako maoperahan which I refused simula pa lng. Kaya nga we tried na daainin sa medication eh, and it worked and sana same thing would happen right now.

Haaaayyyy... buhay nga naman. So many surprises, you'll never know what will happen next. Ngayon ang saya-saya mo di mo alam bukas wala ka na pala sa mundong ito.

Ilang araw na nga lang ang natitira and Christmas na ang dami pang sakun ang nangyayari.

bahala na nga! anyway, di ko alam kung pano na tatapusintong blog na to and medyo mahaba na siya so I'll just leave you with this...


" In spite of all this challenges that were all facing right now, I still find time to think about you. I hate it when you always disappear without even saying a word or two, but I love the fact that it also makes me realize how much I miss you when you're not here. If only you know that Im starting to develop this kind of feelings for you.But I guess that would never happen :( "

Alone

Lately, I'm having this ceaseless feeling of loneliness. I feel so alone, so out of place, so left out, so solitary, so ...

Everyday I'm surrounded by people who somehow matters to me and people whom I considered as my friends but despite their presence I still can't help myself from being so aloof.

Yeah.. we do talk, laugh, play and just mess around yet somehow things are not the same, it feels like something's not right, something's missing...

I just so so hate myself right now and my sudden mood swings. But of course I don't show any of that to anyone, and as usual I just kept everything to myself. There's no point in letting anyone know how I actually feel. Its so bothersome.

So now, all i wanna do is rant out all these feelings....
!@#$%)$%^(*&^%$##!!!@#

On with my thoughts

I guess i would start writing blogs again. I suddenly felt an urge to share my thoughts and feelings to the world. Heh. Well at least now.

Im just freaking bored with my life and theres nothing left for me to do. (and when I said nothing, I meant something fun which means acad stuff shouldn't be related to this) :D

Im getting lazier and lazier each day. I just can't stop myself from procrastinating. The joy of doing nothing! hahahaha XD

Actually, theres a lot of things that I should be doing right now like my thesis which is due tomorrow, study for my 2 quizzes, pack my clothes that i would be bringing in my condo unit, get my bag ready for school and somehow read my dance libretto and try to at least remember the dance steps I learned from our rehearsals instead of sitting here and waste my time online.

Anyway, i guess i'll start doing something from my checklist. OR NOT! XD

Fooling Myself

I like staying up late until my eyes and my brain can’t handle it anymore. That way, when my head falls on the pillow, my brain is too exhausted to worry about what tomorrow brings for me.

Its been a while..

Its been exactly 15 months and 26 days since the last time i made a blog post. I even forgot that i have this shit. Well mainly because I only used this blog for my English class blah blah blah..

Anyway, a lot has happened during the past year and 3 months. People got hurt and cry. People laugh and had a great time. People got caught and bailed. Couples broke-up as continents drift apart. But apart from everything else, everyone learned from what had happened. It made everyone stronger (well at least that's what i think), looking back.. I somehow miss those days.. The days when all i do is enjoy myself, no responsibilities, no commitments, just me having fun. Learning how to drink booze and play cards with my hommies while watching them gamble. Go shopping and malling with my girlfriends. Sleepovers and late night parties. Endless food trips and tours while trying out every possible sport or game we could ever think of with my dear friends, no matter what it takes. It feels like i have all the time I need, to do all the things I want. But somehow all that has to end.

Right now, I'm starting to feel the pressure, the pressure of growing up. Responsibilities are coming in one after the other, too much paper work and shits!, So much to do so little time! It feels like I don't even have time for myself. All my life i never felt pressured about anything at all, cause I don't really bother myself of over thinking stuff. But that won't work anymore, there's a lot of things to finish and when I try to think of all my deadlines and the like, it just wanna make me stop for a second and think. Think of all the choices I made. Was it for the better? It makes me ponder and consider all those WHAT IFs crap that people are talking about.

what if i chose to pursue that instead of doing this? what if i did what other people had told me? what if i stopped all these things they called nonsense? what if i set my priorities straight? what if i gave up something i love over something that's right? what if…

Life's full of bullshit uncertainties and puzzling questions and we can't do anything about it but to live with it and enjoy life as its is. Cause all these hardships is what makes life worth living. Its like a roller-coaster ride filled with ups and downs and later on you'll reach the loopdy-loops that gives thrill and climax to this ride we're on called LIFE.


---------------

Peace out!,

Julirose ♥

Its been a while...

Its been exactly 15 months and 26 days since the last time i made a blog post. I even forgot that i have this shit. Well mainly because I only used this blog for my English class blah blah blah..

Anyway, a lot has happened during the past year and 3 months. People got hurt and cry. People laugh and had a great time. People got caught and bailed. Couples broke-up as continents drift apart. But apart from everything else, everyone learned from what had happened. It made everyone stronger (well at least that's what i think), looking back.. I somehow miss those days.. The days when all i do is enjoy myself, no responsibilities, no commitments, just me having fun. Learning how to drink booze and play cards with my hommies while watching them gamble. Go shopping and malling with my girlfriends. Sleepovers and late night parties. Endless food trips and tours while trying out every possible sport or game we could ever think of with my dear friends, no matter what it takes. It feels like i have all the time I need, to do all the things I want. But somehow all that has to end.

Right now, I'm starting to feel the pressure, the pressure of growing up. Responsibilities are coming in one after the other, too much paper work and shits!, So much to do so little time! It feels like I don't even have time for myself. All my life i never felt pressured about anything at all, cause I don't really bother myself of over thinking stuff. But that won't work anymore, there's a lot of things to finish and when I try to think of all my deadlines and the like, it just wanna make me stop for a second and think. Think of all the choices I made. Was it for the better? It makes me ponder and consider all those WHAT IFs crap that people are talking about.

what if i chose to pursue that instead of doing this? what if i did what other people had told me? what if i stopped all these things they called nonsense? what if i set my priorities straight? what if i gave up something i love over something that's right? what if…

Life's full of bullshit uncertainties and puzzling questions and we can't do anything about it but to live with it and enjoy life as its is. Cause all these hardships is what makes life worth living. Its like a roller-coaster ride filled with ups and downs and later on you'll reach the loopdy-loops that gives thrill and climax to this ride we're on called LIFE.