The End.

Cut ties.
Erase memories.
Forget.
Move on.

Hard. Painful. The only way. My solution.

Bye...

Dark and fabulous!

New theme! ^_^

Body Ink

Last night I dreamt of myself showcasing a new tat on my body. It was cute, colorful, but quite intriguing. 

In my dream, my tat is somehow like the Pon Zi illustration. Cute but shows a sad story. Everyone in my dream were laughing at my new tat. Saying its funny, nonsense and all those shiz, but I was insisting the opposite. I was defending it against them and trying to explain it's meaning. Though nobody were listening to a word I was saying. My voice was ignored and they kept on laughing. I was really hurt and sad and felt like crying but in spite that, I was just smiling there in front of them like nothing is wrong. I just smiled, laugh and giggle with them. The way I always do in real life. 

I don't really remember much of my dream. It's a bit hazy. The only clear fragment that was left on my mind was that tattoo. It really bothers me. Is there any underlying meaning behind this body graffiti of mine?

I wanna know the subtext underneath this art.

Booty Call

It's 2:00 AM. 

Everyone is asleep. Every single move feels like a suicide attempt towards the night's deafening silence. 

Phone rings. 

As expected, it is you who is on the other line. Just the usual late night random calls you do. Nothing special. Booty call, isn't it?

Friendship V.S. Relationship V.S. Career

A match between 3 priorities.

Wait lang pede?

----------------------------------

PAUSE  

/poz/ noun:

A temporary stop

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Minsan sa buhay mo naranasan mo na ba ung feeling na kung pwede lang sana tumigil muna ang oras at ang lahat ng bagay sa paligid mo? 

Ung tipong pakiramdam mo sobrang umaapaw na ung sarili mo sa emosyon na di mo na alam ang iyong susunod na gagawin. Kung kaya naman nanaiisin mo na lamang huminto pansamantala ang oras. 

Siguro. Oo. 

Ang tao ay ginawa ng Diyos na may kapasidad na makadama ng ibat-ibang klaseng emosyon. Sa iba marahil ito ay kasiyahan, kalungkutan, galit, lungkot o ano pa man. At dahil sa mga emosyong ito nagkakaron ng kulay ang ating buhay. 

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May 22, 2012

Tuesday, 4:29am 

--------------------

Confused. Anxious. Sa kasalukuyan, yan ang emosyong aking nadarama.

Sandamakmak na bagay at mga kung ano-anong kaganapan ang nagyayari ngayon sa aking buhay. Pakiramdam ko, ako mismo di ko na malaman kung paano pa makakasabay sa agos. 

Commitments. Priorities. Responsibilities.

Lahat importante. Lahat kailangan asikasuhin. Lahat di ko kayang iwan.

LAHAT SABAY-SABAY!

Kung pede lang sana. Sana. Kahit panandalian, tumigil muna ang oras. Tumigil hangang sa muling makasabay ako sa ihip ng buhay.

Alarming. Shocking. Whatev.

OK so I just got back a few days ago from our trip and I learned quite some revelations during those days.

Imma right a blog about my trip next time when I feel like it. hahaha!

Anyway, I made this entry for one soul purpose. Its because i found out that one of my friend is still actually opening his account here and still following my blog. Pft! So i guess my life wasn't that private to them. Ugh!

Yup! Thats right. Im talking to you JER!! And I mean it.

STOP READING MY BLOG!!


seriously, please? HAHA!

So much for a celebration..

Ok so, a couple of hours ago I was shocked by the news that my prof gave me. Yeah I was really shocked though i already know that I will surely pass. Pft! I know that in the first place everything happened cause she really hates the guts out of me. Anyway, until now I can even feel the palms of our Dean in my hands as we shake hands as he congratulated me.

After that moment, I immediately shared the good news to my friends in teatro. 

With no surprise, they were all thrilled and happy for me. Everyone was so happy and they were congratulating me to the max! No exaggerations there. hehehe. Even one of my friend (my sis in teatro) went out to find a loading station so that she could call me up and greet me quite personally. And it was just too sweet of her to do that. :"> I felt special! HAHA!

Anyway, along with all the commotion people made. Not everyone was actually quite ecstatic of what happened. 

Yup. 

That's right. Somehow, the person that I was hopping that would actually be happy for me, my friend and mother in teatro, somehow got mad for I don't freaking know why. 

It actually irritated me.

Yeah. I understand that she was shocked of the news but can she be at least happy for me even for a minute or two? Seriously! This whole year my life was a stir. I deserve a bit of happiness. Pft!

Anyway, before I broke the news to her we were actually talking to the phone. Just the usual chit-chat then we talked about the regular teatro shiz. Then, when she was about to say goodbye I just said it.

BOOM!

Suddenly, everything was silent....

then...

.

..

...

....

.....

....

...

..

.

and all that happened. 

So the night end up me and her fighting. Well actually its more of an argument, a cold war. Pft!

Well, enough about that.. Imma just pack my things and get ready for my trip later. Don't wanna spoil everything and I don't want to be late! :P

Good News!!

WOOT!!! ALRIGHT!! YEY!!!

No words can actually describe how I'm feeling right now! HAHAHA! >:}

Everything had paid off!! It all turned out great! What a relief! :)

I'M OFFICIALLY A GRADUATE!! AND UNEMPLOYED....

From this day forward, I can once again say that my life has go on! It aint stagnant anymore. CHEERS to that! :))

And because of this great news I had Imma reward myself by JOINING OUR CLASS OUTING!

Oh yeah! Im going! Im going!

Imma swim! Imma drink! Imma play! Imma have fun with mah hommies!

SO OVERJOYED RIGHT NOW!!!

Well that's about it, Ta ta.. gotta fix my things for our trip tomorrow and I got to txt my friend and confirm that Im joining them tomorrow.

BEST SUMMER VACATION EVER!!

Scaredy Lil Cat

April 1, 2012

4:36 am

Mood: Frightened

In a matter of hours from now I would finally face the fact whether I'm considered a graduate of my batch or should I repeat this one subject that has been holding me back and the reason why I wasn't able to actually march during our batch's graduation rights.

Frightened. Terrified. Scared.

Words that totally describes how I am feeling right now. I'm anxious to know what's ahead of me - my future. It's as if my whole life will be judge by that moment. This stagnant phase that I have been for weeks would finally cease when that time comes.

I know that I've been longing for this moment but now that time is running out, I don't think that I'm ready.

What if things turn out bad? What if things doesn't happen as I wanted it to be? What if everything do went well? What if I pass? 

What if....

Everything is full of this "What if" and I'm queasy to know the answers. What would happen from then on?

I never felt this kind of uneasiness my whole life. I never actually get into this kind of dilemma. Usually, I already know what's ahead of me before I embarked on things. 

Everything is so puzzling, so uptight.

This really is The Final Judgement, The Last Chance for my college life. 

I must ace this test and I ought to pass no matter what!

So God, please help me. Guide me and be at my side throughout this day. I really need you right now. Comfort me with your presence and join me towards a new day. This I ask, in your name. 

Amen.

X8 WHITE

OMG!!


Remember on my earlier post that I was looking for a new template. Well, I just found this oh-so-cool-contemporary-template that I've fallen for the very moment i scrolled down the page and my eyes catch a glimpse of it on my screen. 


The "X8 White"!


Its plain and simple. Quite minimalist. Just the way I like it.


Im keeping it! Never felt this excited for a template! HAHA!


Anyway, that's it! So much for my announcement. ^_^


So I guess I would really start studying now.... -_-

Procrastination

April 15, 2012 - Sunday

2:33 am

Today is the 6th day of my supposedly week-long review for my Compiler Design Removal Exam on Monday April 16 - and that's tomorrow. The exam that would finally give me the chance to actually graduate on time. The final judgement, the last chance. Unfortunately, I haven't started studying about anything. I mean seriously, its summer and the holly week just went by so how am I supposed to actually study?

Anyway, I really need to straighten up my game and ace this test. I really don't wanna go back to school anymore. I'm done with it! But the only way for that thing to happen is to pass this stupid exam.

Yeah, I really need to learn how to focus and stop procrastinating. Bummer! :|

Hours ago i told myself I would just check on my mails then I'll start. Hours passed - I've done so much random things and I still haven't started! Ugh! I hate myself! And right now instead of reading my notes Im actually looking for a new template for my blog and writing this blog entry here. >:{ 

Now I'm irritated. Pft!

Fine. Imma start in 15 min. HAHA! :P

Separation anxiety? -- (Found on Draft List. Original Post Date: Feb 29, 2012)

This past few days was crazy as hell! Everything is on topsy-turvy! I've been trying to juggle my whole life and trying to balance out my academics, extra curricular activities and of course my social life. What I'm doing is a complete suicide! Damn! I hate it! I actually feel like crying and just be a 5-year-old-sissy and just rant out and pour out tantrums on everyone. Everything's is just so stressful!! >_<

A quick time traveling on what was happening the past 3 days.

February 29, 2012 - Wednesday

4:53 am

Just got home exactly 2 hours ago. Went home late cause I was having a meeting with my co-executive board. We were talking about what just happened and plotted out our upcoming plans. 

The elections for the next set of executive board had just taken its place and I never expected and imagined that it's going to be that way. Yup, that's right. A couple of hours ago the new faces who would take our place has finally been voted and I'm not quite happy how everything turned out to be. Especially for the fact that I'm one of the COMELEC.

----

February 28, 2012 - Tuesday

5:08 pm

Currently our AD, Ate Jiks has been calling me non-stop on both of my phones but I refuse to answer. At the same time my phones are bombarded with messages from my co-executive board and my co-COMELEC members regarding the election that would happen later this afternoon. 

I didn't respond to any text message regarding the elections. I refused to take part purposely though I didn't actually told them directly what I was doing. I only informed them that I couldn't make it cause I have my final exams and I prefer to choose my acads over my org. You heard that right. Somehow, for the first time I prefer to be a student at this very moment. There's too much things I have to finish and I need to graduate on time!

----

February 27, 2012

11:47 pm

After weeks of not talking and completely ignoring her, I finally texted Ate Che. But only because this concerns the org and nothing more. I'm just trying to be professional with my work. I think it has been a whole month since the day I've decided that I don't wanna speak to her or do anything concerning her! The longest time ever!

Anyway, I asked her whether she has already made up her mind with regards to filing for candidacy. I really wanted her to run. I believe in her. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that's stopping her that I totally understand. But the thing is, we need her right now. Teatro needs her at this moment so I wanted to know whats going on since its part of my job as a COMELEC.

When I messaged her, I really didn't expect that she would reply because of how I was treating her. Nevertheless, she did and somehow I'm glad that she did. At this moment, she said that she's still waiting for Ate Ains before she layout her final decisions then she asked me why I was asking and I told her the truth. I told her that its because ever since I really wanted her to run. Then she replied why. I didn't reply anymore. I decided to leave our conversation to that. I don't want to explain and I don't want to prolong our conversation. Since I already got her answer I intentionally ignored the rest of her txts following that. HAHA! Yeah, I do things like that. Bitchiness on!! >:] Then I just went on with my life and continue listening to the meeting I was having with my co-executive board. 

----

February 28, 2012

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TALK ABOUT LAZINESS!? I FOUND THIS ENTRY ON MY DRAFT LISTS. I GUESS I WAS WRITING IT BEFORE AND HAD TO SUDDENLY STOP AT THIS POINT. I WONDER WHY I WASN'T SURPRISED ABOUT THAT. HAHA. ANYWAY, I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER IF I INTENTIONALLY DIDN'T FINISH THIS ONE OR THAT MAYBE BECAUSE I HAD TO STOP AND DO SOMETHING ELSE. EITHER WAY, IM REALLY DISAPPOINTED OF MYSELF CAUSE OF THIS. I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT AND WHAT WAS GOING ON DURING THIS MOMENT BUT I CAN'T! I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!! RIGHT NOW, I FEEL LIKE I GOT SCAMMED BY MY OWN SELF. :|

*********************************************************************************

F*cked up life!

Its been really quite a while since the last time I wrote something here even though i really wanted to. Its just that I've been holding back and fighting the urges to write what was currently happening to my life and how was I feeling the past days, weeks, month. Mainly because I kinda believe of the thing that people called as "JINX"

Yup! That's right. I don't wanna jinx whatever it was that I was going through lately cause its a lot! I mean its even too much for me too handle!

I'm literally on the edge of giving up!

But everything flipped over! I tried to do everything I can to make things work and turn out great but I guess the universe is just against me,

Tell me, what the freaking hell did I do to deserve all this crap!? I mean, fine. I know that everything happens for a reason and all that, but why?!

WHY?! WHY?! WHY!?

Why me? Why in a time like this? Why in this way? Why do all these things has to happen at the same time!?

Fine. I was destined to experience all this shiz but can all my other problems wait till the other is over!? The hell with this f*cked up world!! I think the world is totally messed up right now that everything is imbalance! I don't even know how to show my face to everyone even my family! And I'm even anxious about that. :|

Seriously....

Right now I'm so freaking full of negative emotions towards the world and myself.

I'm so lost. Angry. Disappointed. Confused. Fucked up!

This time I can totally say and admit that I MESSED UP BIG TIME!

I'm so mad at myself right now because I can't blame anyone to what happened to my life because life is a matter of choices and I'm in this freaking state because of what I chose over the other. FUCK THAT!!

Am I really that pathetic that I'm actually blaming myself and accepting that fact in a rant note like this?!

SCREW THIS! SCREW EVERYONE!! SCREW THE WORLD!!!

A little bit under the weather

*cough* *sniff* *cough*

That's right. Im oh so sick.

Unfortunately, my body finally gave up on me.

Too tired. Too weak. To sick.

There's too much things to do and so little time. I can't freaking rest right now! But there's nothing I can do about it. I can't even get down from my bed. Feels like all my energy got drained off.

On the brighter side, I have a reason to skip school today! ^_^ Heh.

Oh well, can't type anymore. Head hurts. Feels so drowsy.....

zzzzzZZZZZzzzz...

RANDOM POST

January 10, 2012

12:00 nn

Its Tuesday. A school day.

Supposedly, I have a meeting this morning with my (T) adviser but I got it rescheduled tomorrow cause my auditor and marketing head can't make it today. Well, I don't wanna face him alone. So I insist on moving it. Heh.

So, instead of that meeting. I decided to spend my morning at the dermatologist with my mom. I told her to wake me up early so that I could book us for an appointment. So there I was. I woke up around 9-ish am. Just the right time. So I went looking for my mom if she's interested to come with me. Unfortunately, she has a previous appointment shiz today and she has somewhere to go to with my dad. Pft! So I got pissed off and decided to just go by myself. As I was about to pick up the phone to call the derma, I remembered that I have to call the place where we bought my Samsung Galaxy Tab cause there's a slight problem. And I need them to fix it! But I prefer for them to replace it. HAHA!

It has only been months since I got my tab. Good thing it still has its warranty. Lucky me! ^_^

Anyway, I just finished eating lunch with my family downstairs and Im now back at my room. and its sooooo nakakatamad! I dont feel like doing anything. Ayoko pumasok. Ayoko lumabas ng bahay. Ayoko kumilos. I want to ditch class. I feel so empty. I just want to sleep. 

And write now I'm writing this oh so random entry instead of fixing my bag and getting ready for school. Talk about procrastination.

My class starts at 2:00 PM. It would take me 30 min to take a bath, 10 min to get ready, 10 min to fix my bag, and almost 2 hours travel time to school. And a couple of minutes to just pause, stare and do nothing. So that's about around 3 hours or so. Well then, that only means one thing. 

I'M OFFICIALLY LATE. AGAIN!

Damn! I need to get myself straight. I'll be graduating in a couple of months then sooner or later I'll be officially working in a company. Need to learn to be punctual or better yet I need to find a job that doesn't start oh so early in the morning. HAHAHAHA!

Ok, I got to go now and start gussying up or else my mom would come right up here and kill me! LOL.

I SO HATE SCHOOL!

EMPTY

Right now, I feel so empty. So numb.

I dunno what's happening. I dunno what should I feel. I dunno what to do.

So confused.