F*cked up life!

Its been really quite a while since the last time I wrote something here even though i really wanted to. Its just that I've been holding back and fighting the urges to write what was currently happening to my life and how was I feeling the past days, weeks, month. Mainly because I kinda believe of the thing that people called as "JINX"

Yup! That's right. I don't wanna jinx whatever it was that I was going through lately cause its a lot! I mean its even too much for me too handle!

I'm literally on the edge of giving up!

But everything flipped over! I tried to do everything I can to make things work and turn out great but I guess the universe is just against me,

Tell me, what the freaking hell did I do to deserve all this crap!? I mean, fine. I know that everything happens for a reason and all that, but why?!

WHY?! WHY?! WHY!?

Why me? Why in a time like this? Why in this way? Why do all these things has to happen at the same time!?

Fine. I was destined to experience all this shiz but can all my other problems wait till the other is over!? The hell with this f*cked up world!! I think the world is totally messed up right now that everything is imbalance! I don't even know how to show my face to everyone even my family! And I'm even anxious about that. :|

Seriously....

Right now I'm so freaking full of negative emotions towards the world and myself.

I'm so lost. Angry. Disappointed. Confused. Fucked up!

This time I can totally say and admit that I MESSED UP BIG TIME!

I'm so mad at myself right now because I can't blame anyone to what happened to my life because life is a matter of choices and I'm in this freaking state because of what I chose over the other. FUCK THAT!!

Am I really that pathetic that I'm actually blaming myself and accepting that fact in a rant note like this?!

SCREW THIS! SCREW EVERYONE!! SCREW THE WORLD!!!